Resolution Revolution

(A few days ago, a friend of mine said that if we think too much about life,  we will see that we don’t actually have time to enjoy it… Sorry, just this one last time in 2010 )

I was thinking: how many people in the world are thinking about their new year’s resolutions at this very second? Well, my Facebook news feed has been full of them for these past few days, and I find this phenomenon quite amusing.

Human. We indeed are very interesting. As sure as we are to break new year’s resolutions, we never failed to think of new ones. Because we need hope? Something to look forward to? Probably something to justify us keeping on living? Or maybe, amidst life hardships, we just try to acknowledge our own existence. Because we have to help ourselves to get by, by whatever means… That quality in human, to me, is something very admirable.

Then I thought about my own (year). Borrowing another friend’s words, 2010 was a bumpy road. Emotional roller coaster. Soap opera material. It’s the year when everything was put into test. It was when I thought I found myself, my closure, just to finally admit I had not. I learned what it takes to love someone. How to hold back tears and not to back out no matter how bad things turn in an instant. I learned how much we can endure in the name of love. I learned that once you love someone, you will love them anyway, even in their worst. I had a travel of a lifetime. I learned that things happen for a reason, and I got frustrated because it is a reason I don’t understand. I discovered and rediscovered genuine friends. I fell in love and got heartbroken over and over again. With people. With places. And departures, farewells… Oh how I hate them. I learned that when someone you love’s gone, they take a piece of you with them. And you’ll never be the same…

So… 2011. What’s in store?

To be really honest, I just hope to stay alive until midyear. I’ve learned that life is fragile, and I don’t want to put too much hope in it. But till then, I wish for courage… To do things for myself and no one else. To have determination to pursue my dreams. To be sure of what I want. To uncover my motives as archeologists dig fossils: as intact as they can be. To want something badly enough. To not be afraid to get hurt or disappointed. To find myself.

I am looking at 2011 anxiously. I am suspicious of what it may bring, a year that looks promising and harmless. Because for once, I can’t see what lies beyond. A control freak, I am afraid of uncertainties, of not having things to look forward to…

But then again, I have faith in Life. It never failed to inspire. And I want to be brave to face it and mark my existence.

Humans. We indeed are very interesting.

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