I said I wish you nothing but happiness. But the truth is it’s killing me to see you happy while I’m dying inside. I secretly wish you too would feel my pain. That you’re at least half as miserable as me.
I said you shouldn’t make your decisions around me and neither should I around you. But the truth is I want you to think of me all the time. I want to be a part of your life—an inseparable part, your number one. My heart screamed, “How could you???” I secretly hope you choose me over her, although I’d still choose him over you.
I said you will be happy with her and I know it. But the truth is I don’t want you to have too good a life. I wish sometimes you’d think about how happier you would be if you’re with me. I secretly want you to have all the ups and downs, all the great and the shitty things I too have in my rocky relationship. I want you to be happy, but not too happy.
Yes, darling, the truth is I always lied. The truth is every girl, every person, is that selfish. The truth is there’s no such thing as pure love. It is always murky with egoism and jealousy.
But darling… now too I lied. Because I do wish you happiness, I do understand where you stand, and I do know she’ll make you happy. You must be thinking how complicated and diabolical this whole thing is. But if you just try to be honest to yourself, you’ll understand…
The truth is we always hurt those we love.
I find that when one gives the rage inside some time to cool down, it’s easier to wish happy, beautiful things for the one who slipped through our fingers. Of course, in my own personal struggle, I’ve spent 7 years of my life letting go. Nobody says it’ll be easy, shucks.
As for being selfish, I think that makes us more interesting. That shows hunger, and where will a human be without it?
Oh wow… 7 years of trying to let go? That sucks… Bee, I have to hear about this. It must be a crazy life experience. Yes, selfishness is a quality that I’ve embraced, accepted and loved. It makes us human =)
one of the best you’ve ever written Ket
Really? Because it’s brutally honest?
uh.huh. because it’s brutally honest
*nodding*
whoa..1st time visiting ur blog.. this post is cool